May 2005

"Dammit, I got schooled by the Hot Topic girl!!"
-5/11

A: "She loves baseball movies!"
B: "What?"
A: "Yeah, what's that one with Geena Davis?"
B: "A League of Their Own? But what lesbian doesn't love that movie?!"
-5/11

"I smoked Capris all night...just for effect."
-5/12

Re. Three Men and a Baby:
A: "Wait...you rented it?!!"
B: "No, Adriana owns it. She also owns Three Men and a Little Lady."
-5/12

Re. Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin:
"I am skeptical of their relationship...I just wish US Weekly was too."
-5/13

"I remember being really surprised that there was a hole other than the pee hole, like, really late in life."
-5/13

"I like it 'cause it's, like, food and soup."
-5/13

Re. seafood:
"I'm constantly asking Brian, like, how can you eat something that smells like a really rank women's bathroom?"
-5/13

Re. a girl peeing on a wall:
"I was like, 'Do you have a penis?!...is that a skill I can learn?'"
-5/13

"There was a period of time when anyone over six feet tall was very attractive to me. It didn't take much. (beat:) Except for Krist Noveselic!"
-5/13

"They're kinda like gypsies, but they're more like...pioneers."
-5/13

"...and by the way, that Paula Abdul CD you have??...packed with hits!!"
-5/13

"You guys are so much gayer than the Backstreet Boys!!"
-5/13

Re. Meat Loaf's "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" on a jukebox:
"This song goes on forever, and I'm so not sorry for playing it."
-5/13

"I'm like, 'For all I know, there are, like, tulips growing out of that toilet,' and they're like, 'Yeah, red ones!!'"
-5/13

"Goose!!...He's wrong, Tom Cruise is a total goose!!"
-5/13

"Look at all these ducks and geese. They're all fucked-up. They're just like anyone in Spokane."
-5/13

A: "It took me a long time to love her."
B: "She's a sweetheart, but she's an abomination."
-5/13

"Ummm...the best thing about Stella is her hatred of hands...which I will demonstrate now."
-5/13

"Holy cow, there you go!...Okey dope, take a nap."
-5/14

"Uh, would you be offended if I tossed this salad?"
-5/18

A: "Who does he look like?"
B: "Oooh...I don't know!"
A: "Give me a celebrity. You can choose one for looks and one for aura."
-5/20

"When I was first cast, I was all bummed out, 'cause I was like, 'Great, I'm playing a puppet!'-- and then when that happened I was like, 'Whatever! Pat me on the back! Playin' a role!' "
-5/22

"Oh my goodness gracious, I'm so relaxed!!"
-5/25

"I have a soft spot for acrobat families."
-5/30

Re. coffee:
"This is really strong. I'm gonna be wired. (pause:) Maybe I'll clean the kitchen!"
-5/31

Re. the difference between an affair and a fling, and if being on vacation is a mitigating factor:
A: "I don't know. How long is the vacation?"
B: "A week."
A: "I believe that's technically called 'Getting Your Groove Back'."
-5/31