Sunday, December 31, 2006

December 2006

A: "Are you being ironical?
B: "Actually, I can't tell anymore."
-12/1

A: "I love Ellen Burstyn."
B: "I love Faye Dunaway."
-long pause-
A: "I like how we didn't say anything about Sally Field."
-12/7

"Oh my God, Tom does the best gay impression! His gay accent is superb."
-12/9

"We're going out with our gay friends tomorrow, to the Abbey...I think they got the cabana!"
-12/9

"What's this...another French rapper?"
-12/9

"He is speaking French. He's French. But he's a French black guy."
-12/9

"My mom was like, 'I knew it was big, but to blow out denim?!!"
-12/22

"I'm gonna bring the jeans, 'cause you would not believe the size of this hole!"
-12/22

A: "You saw God in my chest hair!...or was it Mary?"
B: "It was Moses."
-12/24

"Yeah. I'm exaggerating, of course...but I do have big nostrils, so it's to scale?"
-12/24

"You know, I'm actually a little insulted, 'cause I'm way dumber than your mom."
-12/24

A: "It was atrocious!"
B: "Yes it was! The probe was unusually large!"
-12/24

"I could probably talk about this algorithm until the sun comes up!"
-12/25

"Oh, you've always loved that shit!...randomization and shit like that."
-12/25

A: "Oh, they got married?"
-pause-
B: "On some level, yeah."
-12/25

"No, she would read-Chaucer-and-dream-of-finding-artifacts-in-Africa dorky."
-12/25

A: "Candy corn...gave me a third-degree burn."
B: "What?"
C: "What?"
D: "That was your own fault."
-12/25

A: "It was the tiniest little drop, too!"
B: "Yeah...well, it was burning chemical..."
-12/25

A: "I don't know if I could sacrifice the candy."
B: "One candy corn?!"
-beat-
A: "Oh, it was only one?"
-12/25

"Eewww, fuck napalm?!!"
-12/25

A: "Tom, calm down. Tom, you need to calm down."
B: "What?...I'm just psyched about the stenographer."
-12/25

"Look, I'm carrying myself in a fuckin' backpack...it's weird, okay?"
-12/25

Incredulously:
"You can't cross your legs?!...and you're white?"
-12/25

"See, by the time I got to middle school and karate, I thought I was flexible...but I was just hunchbacked."
-12/25

A: "Apparently that's what the chiropractor told him."
-beat-
B: "No, that's what I feel."
-12/25

Boss, skeptically: "These dogs don't look scared of Santa!"
-12/26

"Looks like Archimedes is the big winner!"
-12/26

"There's your Bob Marley sticker!...wait, or is that Jesus?"
-12/31

"It's not a dump, it's a historical landmark."
-12/31

"Yeah, but it's dead now. That toaster is dead to me."
-12/31

"...and not to say that the Doobie Brothers are cool, but they're fuckin' funky, you know?"
-12/31

"It's time for you and I to study fuckin' barbershop."
-12/31

"I'm sure you could dry-hump Tom as if he were gay."
-12/31

"...Really fuckin' cool! Fuckin' expletive cool!"
-12/31

"If my ears had nipples, they'd be twisted right now."
-12/31