"It is kind of small, it is old-school, but I'm not sure I'd call it 'hobbity'."
-9/3
A: "I want to know what happened to Stina so bad!"
-beat-
B: "I'm gonna say middle management."
-9/3
"I'm getting a vintage Burberry trenchcoat for $22, thanks to Tina Turner who taught me how to chant."
-9/3
"I'm not hearing a word, I'm...rummaging around in cheese."
-9/6
"Okay, I just found someone really good-looking on the Discovery Channel...he's a crab fisherman!"
-9/6
"I'm actually busy today, which is rare and kind of stupid...but I have to make a Cobb salad...and go see a movie...and there's talk of a cakewalk?"
-9/10
Re. cakewalks:
"I was surprised to learn that the prize is actually cake, though...you know what I mean?"
-9/10
A: "So you hate Harold & Maude but you love Cat Stevens?"
B: "Yes."
-9/10
"The only bar in Ephrata is exactly like the only bar in Ephrata would be...and it's lit like Wal-Mart?"
-9/10
"I tried to pace his mom once when we were watching Finding Nemo, but I ended up getting tossed and going to bed."
-9/10
Re. a love interest of questionable sexuality:
"Good luck with that shady Kinsey girl."
-9/13
"We're not going to be doing anything that involves money, are we?, because I have, like, four dollars, and I kind of want some Kool-Aid."
-9/14
"It contains the best dance ever...after he smokes crack with some hookers. (defensively:) He's a bad lieutenant. Imagine the worst lieutenant ever, and that's Harvey Keitel in Bad Lieutenant."
-9/14
A: "...He kept saying things that were gay-gay-gay-gay-gay-gay-gay--"
B: "Like what?"
A: "Like that he likes dressing like a Hardy Boy?"
-9/14
A: "What is gayer than an interpretive dance about the life and times of Selena?!"
B: "What is gayer is that there was a sequence in the interpretive dance wherein Selena discovers that she has hips."
-9/14
A: "I think I'm mad at Karl Lagerfeld right now."
B: "Because he designs with fur?"
A: "No...I'm not against animal cruelty?"
-9/14
"Do you know what Karl Lagerfeld most dislikes? Monday mornings. (beat:) What is he, Dilbert?"
-9/14
A: "Was that you making that rustling noise?"
B (making rustling noise): "Like this?"
A: "Yes."
B: "Yes. I was tap-dancing with my feet...I mean fingers."
-9/14
Re. Fire Island:
"Ooohhh...it's like the gay Shangri-La?"
-9/14
Re. vegan jerky:
"It's like I'm chewing on an old, dried-up sponge...that's beef-flavored."
-9/17
"The picture is, like, to die for, it's like strawberry shortcake...in heaven."
-9/18
After a picture is taken:
"Wait, am I in that?, because you didn't give me time to craft my facial expression."
-9/18
A: "I'm just sayin', they signed the mailing list, we should give 'em something."
B: "They got a pin...and rocked by us!"
-9/18
"What is this magical dispenser??"
-9/20
"Look, I know I have a butt chin, but I do not have Sara Gilbert's face!!"
-9/21
"I have a letter opener, you know...it's a cute little dagger."
-9/21
"Look, you can suck my dick!, at least I'm not workin' at the call center for the gas company!"
-9/21
"Where is this alleged Raisin Bran, dude?"
-9/21
"Why have a dead flower when you can have a live succulent?"
-9/24
"You guys, it's label-on-postcard time!!"
-9/25
"Dude, I was crocheting at dinner, and it was so gratifying!"
-9/25
"Damn!, my armpits stink, but I love it!"
-9/25
"Wow, I think I'm venturing into a world I never dared."
-9/25
"Oh my God, I have been high on more Christmases than is even funny."
-9/26
A: "I just wanted to say 'patronize'."
B: "And 'chipotle'!"
-9/26
Friday, September 30, 2005
September 2005
Labels:
B.O.,
cakewalk,
cheese,
chipotle,
Dilbert,
Ephrata,
gays,
Harvey Keitel,
Sara Gilbert of Roseanne fame,
Stina,
Tina Turner,
Wal-Mart
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