"They are a family to whom God gave the wife a cast-iron uterus."
-9/1
An instant messenger chat excerpt:
I just typed this!!!
"do you think it is insensitive to have an ice cream social on sept. 11th?"
-9/2
An instant messenger chat excerpt:
you know, rescheduling this ice cream social means that the terrorists DID win\
-9/2
"Christmas is comin', and you know what that means! (beat:) Someone's gettin' cable!"
-9/2
"What??! They stole your boat and gave you a noodle?!?!"
-9/2
"I think you're ready for the leaking-fluid photo spot if you need it."
-9/3
"Baby Jesus is against shrimp-flavored crackers."
-9/3
Boss re. online video: "You want to listen to it again so you can hear the 'fuck it'?"
-9/3
"Arhhhhhh!, I missed Bob Dylan last night -- that's why the Lord put me to sleep!"
-9/4
"I don't want to eat pussy -- but I like hangin' out with ya!"
-9/6
"Star Wars boy -- one with the yarmulke? -- he may be coming."
-9/6
"Writing and sex are different!"
-9/9
An instant messenger chat excerpt:
A: by garden squirrel you mean the plastic one that was in your room that Django loves?
B: no, the other one, the one that used to hold my keys
-9/11
"Wait, it's a wedding and a basketball game?!"
-9/12
"It modulates the amplitude...right?"
-9/12
"He resembles a lot of mammals."
-9/16
"Oh my God I love those mug shots!"
-9/17
"There's nothing erotic about beer pong."
-9/17
"Sean is like the funnier, meaner, Richard Simmons."
-9/18
Boss: "Should I give this porn star money?"
-9/18
Boss: "Oohh! NFL's hottest Latino cheerleaders!"
-9/18
A: "Do you want to go to the breastmilk restaurant?"
-beat-
B: "Yeah, kinda!"
-9/18
Re. "extreme bocce":
A: "What makes it extreme?"
B: "Cactus."
-9/20
A: "He's probably just praisin' Jesus."
B: "He's about to invade Poland!"
-9/20
"He likes to look at cats he doesn't like!!"
-9/20
"You know, another way I don't want to die is to be mauled to death by a dog."
-9/22
Boss, re. coworker's child: "That was a pretty adorable fella, I gotta say. (beat:) No more abortions."
-9/23
Boss: "I want a midget and a juice machine."
-9/26
"All right -- well, if Kennedy doesn't die, someone's gonna have to answer to me."
-9/26
Boss to employee: "Are you a fan of vampires?"
-9/29
Boss: "When you have kids are you gonna take them to court?"
Employee: "What?!"
Boss: "I mean, church?"
-9/30
Monday, September 22, 2008
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