March 2007

Re. woodworking book:
"Awesome!…it talks all about wood!"
-3/3

"Did I tell you that?…last night was our 50th anniversary, that's why we had to shoot Abraham Lincoln."
-3/3

"God!…do you ever think about the fact that Sharon Stone has kids?!!"
-3/7

"Google does not like sarcasm."
-3/9

A: "Deborah?"
B: "Yeah?"
-pause-
A: "Now can we talk about Scarlett Johansson?"
-3/9

Wistfully, re. Marilyn Manson and Dita von Teese:
"I thought they were soooo cute together."
-3/10

Re. Lily Allen:
"I like her as a poet, a publicist, and a career strategist."
-3/10

A: "What are you talking about, Tom?"
B: "That I hate my mom?"
A: "Why?"
B: "Ummm…television?"
-3/10

A: "Guess what, I just got my first west African --"
B: "-- Nigerian spam scam?"
A: "I'm so excited!"
-3/12

Re. spate of whale attacks:
"They're just sick of people. Across the board, cetaceans have given up on people, and they're done."
-3/13

A: "We went to Buca de Beppo with them."
B: "Eeeeeww, don't you hate that place?!"
A: "I had never been there before."
-beat-
B: "Well, don't you now?"
-3/13

Re. digital photo preview:
"It's actually not that bad. I look shocked, but not unattractive."
-3/16

"I'm tired of being fucked over in this city! I got no women, no band…all I got is two wily-ass kitties."
-3/19

"I'm dressed up -- I'm wearing purple and aqua."
-3/19

A (defensively): "I like V-necks!"
B: "I do too! But if you're a man...and you always wear V-necks...then you are a scumbag!"
-3/21

Re. Alex Trebek:
"Tom worships the guy. (beat:) 'Cause his English is, like, perfect."
-3/24

Straight man, asked if another man is attractive: "Mmmm…In my hypothetical gay, he's just not my type."
-3/24

Re. downtown L.A.:
"You can buy anything down here…a liver, a kidney…"
-3/29

"Dammit, I hate you Snapple!...but I love your facts."
-3/30