A: "It makes me want to vomit when I smell vomit."
B: "That's why you don't smell carpet!"
-7/1
A: "God!!"
B: "What?"
A: "There's nothing worse than back fat!"
-7/4
A: "What is this?"
B: "Belts…gay-ass belts."
-7/5
"Would it be gay if I was desiring to listen to some Neil Diamond?"
-7/8
"Watch out. That's a big vacuum."
-7/8
"It kinda sounds like a place I want to go -- I picture hot dogs riding horses."
-7/8
Boss: "People don't come to us for fitness! They don't want to know about our fitness."
-7/9
"My job was, keep pushing the big sea lions back in the pool."
-7/9
An instant messenger chat excerpt:
"if I came home to this I would have had me a new pet squirrel!"
-7/10
Straight dude: "He looks just like Lance Armstrong…I thought if I told him that it'd sound like I had a crush on him."
-7/10
"Nine days until you're British!…I need to get some paper."
-7/11
"Wow, wouldn't it be funny if Phyllis Diller died today as well?"
-7/11
"Mmmm hmmm, so I'll let you know when I hear about the haunting."
-7/11
(Gasp:) "I've heard of that gay!!"
-7/11
"Isn't that mean?! She's like a cockfight trainer!"
-7/11
A: "Why is this taking so long?!"
B: "Uhhh…physics?"
-7/11
A: "Are your brother and sister straight?"
B: "Yeah. (beat:) But they're both awesome."
-7/11
A: "I feel like I speak for humanity."
B: "And dogs."
-7/11
"You're like, 'Fuck you, it's not your birthday yet, ya perv!'"
-7/11
A: "I'm gonna find my favorite R.E.M. song!"
B: "You like R.E.M.?"
A: "No."
-7/13
"I love camp cooking! It's so…whatchamacallit…indigenous?"
-7/14
"I could have put together a better Bastille Day with two hours and a trip to Trader Joe's!"
-7/15
Re. World Music show:
A: "So we went to the Hollywood Bowl yesterday."
B: "You did? How was that?"
A: "It was very Mexican!"
-7/16
"I love the seal. I just want to snuggle up with him on a rock."
-7/16
"Oh, did I tell you I'm going to become British on Thursday?"
-7/17
A: "They're like…they're like…dammit, what are those things called?!"
B: "Pigeons?"
A (meekly): "Yes."
-7/18
"He looks like David Lee Roth and Colonel Sanders merged -- on acid -- and performed a wedding!"
-7/18
"You don't have any shorts?!…Lindsay, that is a crime against nature!"
-7/19
"There's all kindsa wildlife…might even see a llama!"
-7/20
"It's so not a good idea to mix alcohol and those giant birds."
-7/20
"I shouldn't have had all that scotch yesterday…I'm feeling a little funky today. Damn cat and damn Jeopardy!"
-7/21
"I'll tell you what. You can throw her a baby shower when she brings the DVD back."
-7/21
A: "There's nothing wrong with this."
B: "Don, this is old people music!!"
-7/21
"I think we all need mood stabilizers. (beat:) I like your shoes."
-7/24
"You know what I have noticed about Vicki…she likes to use logos."
-7/25
Re. George Foreman:
"Oh no!!…he's still alive?"
-7/25
A: "I can't handle this kind of dancing."
B: "I know, me too."
A: "Doesn't it just seem like spoken word…in movement?"
-7/26
"Eeeeww! White men past their prime should not be singing funk music."
-7/26
A: "I kinda think the Ronstadt was hot."
B: "I kinda think Kenny Loggins was hot when he was on coke."
-7/26
"I don't understand how Meat Loaf's a real thing. He's like a projection of a Neanderthal onto the future."
-7/26
A: "Fraggle Rock?"
B: "Film noir."
-7/28
"You gotta give 'em the B of the D. When someone sends you a picture like that, you gotta give 'em the B of the D. Unless they've got a creepy moustache or something."
-7/28
A: "Yeah, you kinda look like a drug addict with that flag draped over you."
B: "Yeah, and my Josie & the Pussycats poster?"
-7/28
A: "Cat litter and postcards?"
B: "Pretty much."
A: "Sweet!"
B: "Yep -- speaks pretty loudly of my life."
-7/29
"You can go to my grandparents' ranch and ride any bull you want."
-7/29
"Oh no, Ranger. Ranger was the best, 'cause he was a thug Aunt Jemima."
-7/29
"We've already heard ribald tales of cheese on women."
-7/29
Pam: "I'm gonna hunt British Pam down and kill her."
-7/29
"This sounds like it's off the Ghostbusters soundtrack…and I mean that lovingly."
-7/29
"I was like, 'Maybe it doesn't look dainty, maybe I just look like a brute!'"
-7/31
Monday, July 30, 2007
July 2007
Labels:
alcohol,
Alex Trebek,
Aunt Jemima,
birds,
cats,
dogs,
gays,
George Foreman,
ghosts,
Neil Diamond,
shorts
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