"You don't sneak up on a woman when she's wearing a pad."
-12/2
"I will definitely mistake my cell phone vibrating for labor."
-12/4
"Sometimes it takes three times to poop on something before it gets the picture."
-12/6
"Be careful, you're gonna burn your slacks."
-12/6
"I told my friends I was gonna be a gay elf...for Christmas."
-12/6
"At least an anchor's honorable."
-12/6
"You look like you're in Tron right now, by the way."
-12/6
"I'm gonna take the salsa out of my room 'cause it's, like, permeating everything."
-12/6
"It's weird, 'cause my brother is still my brother, but now he has weird underwear and doesn't drink stuff."
-12/6
An instant message chat excerpt:
ain't nothing wrong with a hippogriff
-12/8
"When they heard that bang, they panicked and they ate all their children."
-12/10
"He's gentle. He's like Harry Potter."
-12/13
"It was like Laura Ingalls -- like slutty Laura Ingalls."
-12/14
An instant message chat excerpt:
A: ...wait, is time vegan?
B: time or thyme?
B: oh Tim, no, he just likes candy
-12/16
Coworker: "I just feel like we're really missing an opportunity not to have Big Hat Day here."
-12/18
Coworker A: "It's a big motherfuckin' hat, is what that is!"
Coworker B: "That's no joke."
-12/18
Boss, on phone: "Let me ask Henry 'cause I sit right by him. (swivels in chair and shouts to Henry:) Boob job!!"
-12/18
Boss: "Just focus in on the baby Jesus."
-12/23
A: "Acrobats stress me out. Like, what if you knew one in real life?"
B: "Mmmm...that would be stressful."
-12/23
"Her face looks bottom-heavy. Like if you put her face on a table and tried to push it over it wouldn't tip."
-12/27
"I'm sure he has anecdotes -- he's gay!"
-12/29
Boss shouting across office: "Man covered in feces?! I think we need to put that in More News."
-12/31
"They're all Germans, gay, or gay Germans. (beat:) Or frat boys."
-12/31
"Chinese fighting robes...big whoop. This lady had a teapot on her head."
-12/31
"Peeing in your mouth is way more intimate."
-12/31
"Okay, now the poop is an obese man struggling!"
-12/31
"I got ill thinking about a plant coming out of my bottom."
-12/31
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
December 2008
Labels:
boobs,
elves,
feminine products,
gays,
Harry Potter,
hats,
salsa,
slutty Laura Ingalls
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