October 2007

Re. online jeans shopping:
"These cheap Monday skinnies are not unisex!"
-10/5

"She's in Dubai?!...it's like the Amelie dwarf!"
-10/5

"Sounds like the Chipmunks in a swordfight!"
-10/5

"Oh my gosh!...rapping robots started a fight!"
-10/5

"Crap!...here I am drunk, trying to explain physics."
-10/6

Re. office holiday party:
"You go in there...you've got that gift exchange. It's like you're walking into a funeral."
-10/9

A: "I think it's just something she likes to do when she's bored."
B: "Wheeze?"
A: "Hack."
-10/12

"...and in my head I was like, 'Oh my God, we just broke up in my head.'"
-10/13

On phone:
A (Pacific time): "It's very late there."
B (Eastern time): "Yes, and I have to get up for my trapeze class in the morning."
-10/13

"Eating this fruit without looking at it is so much easier."
-10/14

"She's like...a nonfunny Margaret Cho."
-10/17

"His opinions and values are the lowest common denominator of humanity...I'd love to stomp him in a street fight!"
-10/17

"Come closer...I'm gonna fuck you up!"
-10/17

A: "I love that...walls breathing."
B: "I've had enough of walls breathing!"
-10/17

"...he sent out a MySpace thing, and it was Jesus doing a beer bong, and I was like, 'That's not really classy.'"
-10/18

"...very tall girls with a country attitude-- that's what I saw."
-10/18

Re. heating bill:
"I mean, that's what I was thinking about, I wasn't thinking about...cocks."
-10/19

A: "Oh my God! I might have to break up with Courtney!"
B: "What?"
A: "India.Arie."
-10/19

"It's like breakin' the fourth wall...in sculpture."
-10/19

A: "Is that the creepy gnome?"
B: "The one that looks like it's masturbating?"
A: (nods)
B: "Yeah."
-10/19

"That girl consumed more ranch than anyone I've ever seen!"
-10/19

"Whoa, whoa, whoa...is this Seal?!"
-10/19

"...but if I was a teacher I would have to wear chunky jewelry!"
-10/19

"Cybill Shepherd is a poor man's Murphy Brown!"
-10/20

"Can I say something funny about meth?"
-10/20

"You cannot tell if an Asian lesbian is a guy or a girl."
-10/20

"Awww, well he thinks it's cute, but I think it's disgusting!"
-10/20

"Okay, why the F would you even consider putting breastmilk in your coffee?!"
-10/21

A: "So is she like a serious top?"
B: "No, more like a kid in a candy store."
-10/21

"Bubble's in Parliament, y'all!"
-10/21

"Hey! You know what?! You get the Little Rascals out of your head!"
-10/22

"Eww...poop goes in the toilet, an outhouse or on the ground!"
-10/24

"I don't think they were actual lesbians...they were just old ladies."
-10/24

"I can't believe you pantsed your date. Who does that?!"
-10/24

"Lindsay, it's too early. If I can't think about the D-Zone I can't think about abortion."
-10/27

"Yeah, he does kinda look like Jake...but only if Jake was more Asian."
-10/27

"I had to throw that penis in 'cause everyone else was."
-10/28

"...I mean, they're just tiny people...it's not like their penis has gangrene or something."
-10/28