February 2009

"The editor's watching you stick your thumb in some cheese…it's not awesome."
-2/4

"Whoa, I didn't realize you could be charged with Attempted Mayhem."
-2/11

"It's scary and cute…it's got somethin' for everyone."
-2/16

"It's acceptable if she's transgendered."
-2/23

"It's not a joke...I have so much shampoo."
-2/23

On the cross-section of society that is Blockbuster Video customers:
"Young. Old. Dicks."
-2/23

On the Academy Awards:
"How can a cleft palate movie not win?"
-2/23

A: "Have you had too much to drink, Sarah?"
B: "No, but I should have!"
-2/23

Boss 1, on putting three donut holes in his mouth: "Never underestimate what I would do for a dollar."
Boss 2: "I woulda fuckin' done that for fifty cents!"
-2/24

Boss: "If Iron Maiden hasn't recorded it I probably don't know the lyrics."
-2/25

"Oh no, it's a classy wheelchair."
-2/25

"You don't have to plead ignorance, you can just acknowledge it."
-2/26

"You're like the Mickey Rourke of midget animals."
-2/27