February 2008

"I didn't hit your skullbone...or head...or I guess, just skull."
-2/3

"There's no variety! Ya got apples, ya got bananas -- big effin' deal!"
-2/4

"Yeah, that big-ass TV and I can't tell if that lion is coming or going."
-2/10

A: "Now don't you want an owl?"
B: "Yeah. Too bad it's illegal!"
-2/10

"I still think he looks kinda goofy. He looks kinda Family Matters, you know?"
-2/10

Outraged:
"She is Storm -- Mistress of the Elements! It's not like (beat:) -- she doesn't cure AIDS!"
-2/12

"I don't want to give my kid no lobster-claw syndrome!"
-2/13

"I love this girl!...she wanted nothing to do with me!"
-2/18

"Boy, you are giving curly hair and vests a bad name!"
-2/19

"Never lie to a transexual!"
-2/21

"...He's always flustered...like, gay flustered...all the time!"
-2/22

A: The Lord was cockblocking you?!
B: Sure! It's in the Bible!
-2/27

Earnestly:
I love it that you can see things and you know what they are.
-2/28

April 2005

Incredulously:
"Have you never had a mediocre Kalamata?!!"
-4/13

Re. opening an espresso stand:
A: "There's one up for sale...by Wal-Mart."
B: "Well...location, location, location!"
-4/13

" 'Let my people go!'...that's what that jam's about."
-4/13

Re. an African-themed mural:
"But what is that black Egyptian doing there? I mean, aren't Egyptians all white? (pause:) I mean, olive-toned?"
-4/13

Re. African-themed mural:
"Is that woman half-bird, or is she holding a canoe?...That's so weird!"
-4/13

A: "You can Google anyone."
B: "You can't Google me."
A: "I guarantee you I can Google you."
B: "Well, there is this one Cease and Desist response letter to Yoko Ono...which I'm not going to go into."
-4/13

"Ohhh...those three little bits of cheese I ate just now?...that did it. I'm Thanksgiving-full now."
-4/13

"...and we almost ended up in the International District?...'cause we were, like, five kids with no sense of direction...in more ways than one??"
-4/13

A: "I'm like a transexual!"
B: "Yes, a crazy one!, like you need a map to figure it out!...that's so cool!"
-4/22

"I'm going to have church with that Sourdough Jack!!"
-4/22

"Yeah, you could have just put it in the cup holder instead of calling me Root Beer Lady."
-4/22

"Uh-oh...I've got a visitor under my blanket."
-4/23