March 2005

"...But they were all alternative-school kids?...so they actually knew how to throw a Frisbee?"
-3/1

"Sometimes I like to bless things I don't like. That way no one gets mad. (beat:) Except maybe God?"
-3/1

A: "Wait, Isaac Hayes isn't dead!"
B (confirming): "Isaac Hayes isn't dead."
C: "I never said he was dead!!"
-3/1

"If you don't know what's going on, just quote Ol' Dirty Bastard. And it will see you through. (beat:) I swear to motherfucking God."
-3/1

After going-away party:
"I just feel sick. Like I'm gonna throw up. (pause:) Maybe I'm allergic to sentiment."
-3/3

"There's this lady in the building...I can't tell if she's a lesbian, or if she's just from the South."
-3/3

"I don't want Barbies or anything, just the dollhouse. (pause:) Well, maybe some tiny bears."
-3/9

"There is no truce in throwing small objects at butts!"
-3/9

A: "Where do you live in Ephrata?"
B: "I do not live in Ephrata."
A: "Well...where does your mother live?"
B: "On Road 9, by the sign that says 'PARROTS FOR SALE'. (pause:) And they're her parrots."
-3/23