October 2008

"Navy is really dark."
-10/3

"Hello, remember when we tried to walk home from downtown Long Beach? You barfed on the sidewalk all the way home!"
-10/3

"That's like the time I threw up on the Pakistani fraternity!"
-10/3

"Was it racist in the way of, like, Australians?"
-10/3

Re. astrology:
A: "I'm pretty spot-on with my sign."
B: "I am too! I have a foot fetish with my own feet."
-10/3

A: "You are bossy."
B: (gasp:) "I am so bossy!"
-10/3

A: "I threw up in my rubber boat shoe the last time I had seafood."
B: "You have a rubber boat shoe?!"
-10/3

"It's scary as in (drops voice to a whisper:) gangs!"
-10/3

"I don't think I want a Narnia tattoo."
-10/4

"I have an old-timey collection of seashells."
-10/4

Male Boss A: "Do you ever read Jezebel?"
Male Boss B: "Am I a lady?"
-10/14

An instant messenger chat excerpt:
i love greek food, therefore i love tom hanks
they go hand and hand
-10/16

Boss: "Let's bring back McCarthyism."
-10/22

"Nothing says '37-year-old gay man' like the Nissan Altima."
-10/23

An instant messenger chat excerpt:
A: we can allow the word douche right
A: in comments
A: can we approve a coment
A: that sasys "Bill's a douche"
B: no douche!
-10/23

An instant messenger chat excerpt:
i was hiking and ran into some cows
i was kind of scared.
they're pretty big you know
and they were staring at me.
-10/24

A: "So excited about the sea dragons!"
B: "I'm so excited about this 22-year-old girl!"
-10/27

"...but I think he had a stroke. And he's young. (beat:) That made me happy. Real happy."
-10/31

"I suppose if anyone could have vegan flesh it would be Jesus."
-10/31

October 2005

A: "You look like you're gonna cut me up and eat me."
B: "I'm vegan!!"
A: "That doesn't mean you're not a cannibal!"
-10/1

A: "You hate me, don't you!...where did you get that Batman t-shirt?"
B: "Delia's!"
-10/1

A: "So Lindsay?"
B: "Yes?"
A: "I've been taking Centrum at night, and I feel like a new woman."
-10/5

"Where does Trent Reznor get all his clothes?...and I'm just realizing that he has a really big head."
-10/8

A: "I hate popcorn."
B: "What?!!"
A: "It's mindless!!"
-10/8

"Echhh, I hate me!"
-10/8

"Oh my God, dude, it's like, parallel...things!!"
-10/15

"Okay, everyone needs to take a deep breath. It was matzoh ball soup and a grilled cheese. Had it been filet mignon, it might have been different."
-10/15

"I don't know what I'd do if my family was actually into the religion they raised me in. (beat:) That'd be weird."
-10/15

A: "How could one person crunch louder than another?"
B (thoughtfully): "I don't know, I've been trying to figure that out."
-10/16

"First you have to do the medley, then you have to do the tribute...then you can do the mash-up."
-10/16

"I know I'm a little high, but Aaaah!, this is horrifying!...one more time."
-10/16

"I think the answering machine's calling our house!! (beat:) I think something's wrong!!"
-10/18

"Lindsay...how do you feel about super-sticky Post-It Notes??"
-10/25